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Episode 21: Clan of the Cave Bear

Ayla is an anatomically modern human (is it technically Cro Magnon?  This is set in modern day Ukraine. To the Wikipedia!) orphaned and raised by a tribe of psychic Neanderthals.  This one isn't the one with all the doin' it (evidently that is Valley of the Horses which also has a bunch of blonde dudes who shop at Cave-REI), it's the one with a ton of rape and abuse in it. (A note: the cave I was talking about extensively is Shanidar.  Shalimar is, of course, a perfume.  Apologies.) So the fun thing about this book, and the factor that I know made everybody's mom love it, is the great research Auel put into it.  (Shades of Savage Ecstacy, y'all.)  She really knew her shit, at least about the state of research into Homo neanderthalensis in the late 70's - but since then there have been amazing finds and a lot of research using tools unavailable when Auel started writing.  Some of which, by the way, match her fiction.  (Uh, not the psychic part.  But the fucking…

Promise made, promise kept.

Let us never be said that we don't keep our word.

You did it!  We definitely did not think you'd do it.  We promised that if you gave $500 to RAINN that we would Release the Glamour Shots and, to our vast amazement, you did!  You're amazing!  Not as amazing as these pictures, but amazing!

That doesn't mean you can stop giving, by the way!  Any donations made before March 1 will still enter your name for our prize drawing - make sure you follow our link if you want to win.  And to be a good person.  Even after March 1, keep giving - it's a great organization and they help a lot of people.

But that's not what you're here for, is it.

First of all, let me explain two things to those of you who may not yet be staring down the long stony steps to the grave:

1)  Glamour Shots was this (honestly kind of cool) concept - there was a store in the mall where if your parents loved you very much and you, like, just got your braces off or something, they would take you and get pictures done.  The glamour professionals at the store did everything - there were racks of clothes, they put an insane amount of makeup on you, they made your hair very close to God, and then they took a bunch of pictures and you could pick out the ones you wanted prints of right there.  The makeup was this intense stage makeup - I remember it taking days to get all of it off.  And everybody came out looking like they were on their third husband and fourth decade.

But I can't emphasize enough how ubiquitous this was, even if everybody didn't get them.  (It was expensive!)  Every realtor, a lot of author photos - I remember Mercedes Lackey was one - all these pictures of Professional Women were done by Glamour Shots.  They invented contouring!

2) The early 90's was really the 80's.

3) We are THIRTEEN YEARS OLD in these pictures.






YEE HAW y'all, when are we going to Branson?!  You know my first husband always loved it there.  (Or was it my second?)













Girl, let me wrap up this condo sale first.  It was definitely your second husband because that's after I married him first and then left him for Stanley, before Stanley married that tramp down the street who stole that open house right out from under me.  I'll show her who's a Realtor with a capital R!



 Oh honey I can't wait!  I'm gonna get so many souvenirs for all my favorite nieces and nephews!  They just love those funny t-shirts.  You know Bob just hates going shopping with us but at least they have those benches for him to nap on outside the dressing room.  I'm really looking forward to him sleeping next
to me through the shows!  Who are we going to see?











Oh, no, I don't sing.  I've just GOT to get away and do some self-care - it's a lot of work turning this brothel around, but I'm going to make it pay!




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