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Episode 21: Clan of the Cave Bear

Ayla is an anatomically modern human (is it technically Cro Magnon?  This is set in modern day Ukraine. To the Wikipedia!) orphaned and raised by a tribe of psychic Neanderthals.  This one isn't the one with all the doin' it (evidently that is Valley of the Horses which also has a bunch of blonde dudes who shop at Cave-REI), it's the one with a ton of rape and abuse in it. (A note: the cave I was talking about extensively is Shanidar.  Shalimar is, of course, a perfume.  Apologies.) So the fun thing about this book, and the factor that I know made everybody's mom love it, is the great research Auel put into it.  (Shades of Savage Ecstacy, y'all.)  She really knew her shit, at least about the state of research into Homo neanderthalensis in the late 70's - but since then there have been amazing finds and a lot of research using tools unavailable when Auel started writing.  Some of which, by the way, match her fiction.  (Uh, not the psychic part.  But the fucking…

Episode 14: "Flowers in the Attic" Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

So here's part two of our epic Flowers in the Attic episode, wherein we invite a Very Special Guest to explain what happened in the rest of these bugfuck crazy books and then run out of tape.  First, let me warn you: as long as you're okay with some incest and questionably consensual encounterin', part 1 was fine for you.  In part 2, we find out that there are a lot of other issues in the other books, including but not limited to suicide, statutory rape, and people who keep naming their kids weird shit.  There are also three intense but dueling accents.  Enter if you dare.

We also, in the spirit of the age, have provided a "mixtape" of songs we feel are incredibly on brand for Flowers in the Attic.  Please enjoy as you enter the time warp.

Yet Another Sara(h) is Courtney's wayback friend and I made her write a statement about her background and qualifications for this position:

"I met our very special guest, Sarah Garrod at the ripe old age of 22. We were both attending a welcome to grad school pizza party. Grad Schools love pizza parties. She was wearing a Strawberry Shortcake tee and we made fun of a creep who had a Confederate belt buckle. She also has the most amazing Kentucky accent I have ever heard. We then went back to my house and sat on my front stoop and listened to Prince and I knew I had met a platonic soul mate. We met our third group member a few weeks later and formed the “Triumvirate,” a squad of party girls who also managed to get their advanced degrees and respectable jobs. 

The three of us roamed the Moors of Northern England for a summer. One night at a Heaven and Hell Club in York some dudes were being hella gross to me and Sarah swooped in and grabbed me and said, “she’s with me, motherfuckers,” and that is the most on brand story of Sarah Garrod. It was in England at a historic home called Kiplin Hall where Sarah told me about the Dollanganger series. We were probably hungover and laying in a garden when she told me the entire series in great detail. It was my own soap opera on a beautiful day and is one of my favorite moments from our trip. This is why I knew she had to come on our episode.

Sarah has always been the most ambitious out of our group and decided that a Master’s Degree wasn’t enough. She hightailed it to NYC to attend law school, moved to Chicago for a while before coming back home to SC. She approached coming on to this podcast like she does everything else, with 100 percent preparedness. Girl is basically Hermione Granger to my Ron Weasley. We have laughed, cried, shouted, and raged together over the span of a lot of years and I am so excited we got to share this as well."

Awww look at these young-ass babies!  I personally was never this young.  I was born old and bitter.

 Look at this adorable shit!  This is like one of those Victorian letters women used to write each other only with a lot more John Waters.

Since so much of what we're talking about with these book is the insane hothouse culture of middle and high school, their nature as passalong books, and their precise and specific place in the consciousness of young girls, we thought we would reveal some of our own school friend bidness.  Unfortunately, my blunder years yearbooks are in a stack somewhere that I couldn't find, but I do have this picture of me and SERIOUSLY I AM NOT KIDDING ABOUT THIS NAME THING THERE IS A WHOLE OTHER SARAH (I'm the blonde one) cheerfully reading our way through a senior year pep rally, which is surprising just because we usually got our books confiscated:

Yes, at that age Burger King crowns did pass for wit, why do you ask?

 Courtney, on the other hand, was clearly popular in high school.  (Mine mostly say "Stay cool!" or "Have a great summer!" or "Thanks for letting me cheat off you!")

Seriously, don't these bring it back?  Don't you feel kind of... sweaty?  Are you sure your shoes are cool?  I bet your shoes are soooo uncool right now.


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